Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents do.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Before the school age, children stay at home and learn mostly from their parents. Once they start school, parents’ influence decreases while teachers’ role [措辭: 學會小詞大用，不要寫什么“功能”、“效用”] increases. In other words, children’s intelligence and sociability depend on schooling. [措辭: 故意抽象名詞化了，增加LR分數]
Teachers are more experienced than parents. à [縱向的行文展開，先給宏觀概念再去慢慢細化] The experience is the advantage that parents may not have, which enables the teachers to be the greater influence. [然后繼續細化解釋] A parent may be a parent for the first time, and a teacher may be a teacher for a long time, which means that the teacher has been dealing with so many children for so many years. They may therefore possess skills and techniques that are more effective to enlighten children and to build children’s character. [論證手法的多樣性: 對比一下] By stark contrast, the lack of the experience and theconsequent lack of skills constrain parents’ influence. [措辭: 注意到了么，沒有平行寫了遞進]
Children learn from people with whom they spend most of their time. They learnthe people’s way of thinking and adopt the people’s values and worldview.[然后解釋上一句話] In other words, children’s intelligence and character depend on how the people from whom they learn think and behave. à [烘托了半天終于出來了核心信息點] Teachers are exactly the people, since they are with children for the whole day, and parents are not because they are not present until the evening. [本段寫作演示為典型的“橫向”行文展開]
At this point, the conclusion is crystal clear. Although parents are significant to the growth of children, teacher’s influence is more than that of parents. This is because teachers have more experience and more time to stay with children.